I think of it like this: reality is a vast web of interconnection. Every being - be it a human, a tick or a tree, is a node in that web and each being is born into the world with their own particular suite of ways of connecting to it.
Before a child is born, the experiences and DNA of their ancestors shape the suite of connections they develop. This is also shaped by myriad pre-natal influences, such as the health of the environment, and the wellbeing of the woman who carries her.
When the child is in the womb, the web is at it's most enveloping and supportive, with boundless intimacy between both beings, the mother and baby. At this point the child is as securely attached as their nature will allow.
And then they exit this de-differentiated, oceanic state of connection and are born into the world, with a full suite of exquisite, raw tendrils reaching out towards intimacy. As searching and as tender as the eye of a snail on the end of its stalk.
The composition of the matrix into which those tendrils reach determines whether they connect or retreat. If the environment and the caregivers are such that they are met with safety and acceptance, connection and intimacy can be maintained, and the child is thus enveloped and supported by the whole web of life. This is secure attachment.
Where those tendrils receive a harsher reception, they curl back - they sever the connection in order to protect themselves. If there is no safety in connection, self-preservation is the alternative.
Even at this pre -verbal stage, beliefs are formed about the world, about other beings and whether or not it's safe to allow ourselves to connect to them.
And since a child cannot change their situation or their caregivers, all they can do is try to change themselves or their expectations to get what they need. Indeed, even at this young age, conclusions are drawn about what's missing or broken in the self or others, and how to be in order to try get our needs met (or indeed whether to have needs at all).
This is our template for interaction with the world: our attachment style.
And this is why it can feel so fixed, because the child has made a subconscious decision about what she believes about herself and the world. It feels fundamental, innate and immoveable.
But like all things in nature, nothing, nothing is fixed forever. Everything maintains a flow, a potentiality. How deeply buried it is corresponds directly to the safety or otherwise that a child (or adult) has experienced.
But because that was shaped by experience - by safety, or lack of safety in connection, it can be healed by experience. It can be healed by working, with the support of other beings, be they trees, cats, friends or therapists - or indeed any other node in the web of life - towards experiencing safety in connection.
Once one tendril lands and finds acceptance and support, it acts as an anchor around which new connections can be built. The template can always be updated, thanks to something fundamental that remains.
And sometimes at first, that anchor is borrowed from another. But that's the beauty of it - given enough support, those tendrils will reach again towards safe connection, and can proliferate, and we can enjoy what it is to be connected to the web of life and all that that entails.